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joke of the week week 22


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#91 fincutter

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 12:53 PM

Irish Maths Test 
                       
An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman
doesn't really like the Irish, so he tells the Paddy he
won't hire him until he passes a little math
test and gives him some paper and pencils.
                               
Here is your first question, the foreman said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number nine."
                               
"Without numbers?" the Irishman says, "Dat's easy." And
he proceeds to draw three little trees.
                               
"What's this?" the boss asks.
                               
"'Ave  you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes
nine," says the Irishman.
                               
"OK. Fair enough," says the foreman. "Here's your
second question. Use the same rules, but this
time the number is ninety-nine."
                               
The Irishman stares into space for a while, then
picks up the picture that he has just drawn and
makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go!"
                                     
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth
do you get that to represent ninety-nine?"
Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree,
and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is ninety-nine."
                               
The boss is getting worried thathe's going to
actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says,
"All right, last question. Same rules again, but
represent the number one hundred."
                               
Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up
base of each tree and says, "Ere you go! One  hundred."
                               
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if
you think that represents a hundred!"
                                 
The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks
at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog
come along and crapped by each tree. So now you
got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a
turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one
hundred                       

"So,  when do I start?"
Live for today .... Tomorrow might no' come.

Life is for livin' lovin' and laughin'.

#92 fincutter

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 01:10 PM

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'
Live for today .... Tomorrow might no' come.

Life is for livin' lovin' and laughin'.

#93 wbeedie

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 02:06 PM

Israeli forces have bombed a Palestinian sports shop...
Israeli forces have bombed a Palestinian sports shop that specialises in England legends’ football shirts.
It’s been reported they were looking for Hamas militants, hiding in the Gazza Strip.
Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but it doesn't. It revolves around the Sun which shines out of my arse.

#94 restlesswave

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 06:06 PM

Quote

He winna be laffin the morn Ronnie fan tehm get beat

WHERE ARE YOU WILLIE BEEDIE :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: ;)
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.

#95 wbeedie

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 06:55 PM

Sin bin fur yi Frankie me bhoy  :knuppel2: ;D
Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but it doesn't. It revolves around the Sun which shines out of my arse.

#96 young ronnie

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 07:22 PM

Ah'm sayin' nuthin' :knuppel2:

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#97 restlesswave

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 07:28 PM

be a lot this evening ron sayin nuthin-ho ho ho  :knuppel2:
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.

#98 young ronnie

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 07:31 PM

Ach well Frank,ye've stabbed us,ye may as well twist the knife too and get yer moneys worth :knuppel2: ;D

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#99 wbeedie

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 07:33 PM

jist ait till a the bluenose admin arrive sent ti j ordan group :whistle:
Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but it doesn't. It revolves around the Sun which shines out of my arse.

#100 restlesswave

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 07:40 PM

methinks all the bluenoses are tinged a bit green the night-you`s may be the people but we are the winners :whistle:
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.

#101 young ronnie

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 08:14 PM

Nobody likes a gloater Mr.G :knuppel2: ;D

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#102 restlesswave

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Posted 15 March 2009 - 08:16 PM

me gloat?  :whistle: :whistle: never :knuppel2:
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.