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Top Tips.....


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#1 markh

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 06:07 PM

boys:
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

girls:
A coupe of angry wasps inside a cigar tube makes an inexpensive vibrator
Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.

#2 Adoration II

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 08:25 AM

dont eat yellow snow
Mr Richard JohnstonEEEEEEEEE Jnr

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#3 quiet waters

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 02:35 PM

i'll be 25 years married on 18th of next month, just go look at my picture and learn from what you see, my top tip is........ don't expect to learn from anything i might write on here, if you start reading with that in mind you just might learn something, anything i post has the same basic concept, i approach everything from the same angle, tried and tested, i assume that everyone is equal and that if you believe the world was created in six days then you'll feckin believe anything!!!!!

if you can believe that?
And their teeth will be blunted like lions and they will be cast away on whirlwinds and such!!!!

#4 restlesswave

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 07:05 PM

always wondered myself-in six days god created the world on the sabbath he rested-now heres my question-what did he do on the next monday and the subsequent days?
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.

#5 young ronnie

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 07:09 PM

Top tip ??.....stay single  lol

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#6 quiet waters

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 08:00 PM

well being omnipitant he would no doubt have created the very first council, so the answer to your question, what did he do the following monday? feck all!!!! tho he might have spent a few meenits creating a big fat erse tae sit on?
And their teeth will be blunted like lions and they will be cast away on whirlwinds and such!!!!

#7 restlesswave

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 08:25 PM

thats what i thought-fairly blows out the keep holy the sabbath one-if the folowing week was a holiday too.-an your probably right about the big fat arse-he created man in his own image-an i have a fair grip of the sate i`m sittin on.
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.

#8 quiet waters

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 09:19 PM

the wife tells me that efter 25yrs i might have expanded everywhere else but i've still got buns of steel, not that i'm in the same league as sabrina williams, judging by the pics of her surfing in the press the other day, that, i would never tire of admiring.
And their teeth will be blunted like lions and they will be cast away on whirlwinds and such!!!!

#9 restlesswave

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Posted 18 October 2008 - 09:23 PM

after 25yrs the only thing i have that`s the same is a neck of brass.
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.

#10 Adoration II

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Posted 19 October 2008 - 12:44 PM

keep ur freinds close but ur enemies closer
Mr Richard JohnstonEEEEEEEEE Jnr

Sure its a grand oul team ti play for

#11 johntar tt10

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Posted 22 October 2008 - 04:52 PM

If you meet an honest fish buyer, shoot the bastar'd afore he turns bad

#12 young ronnie

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Posted 22 October 2008 - 06:25 PM

Never lift your hat to a funeral,it might be a polisman or a fish salesman was the old saying John...they missed out polititions and fishery officers though...I wonder why ??  !!!!

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#13 johntar tt10

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Posted 25 October 2008 - 03:52 PM

When arguing with an Idiot try and make sure he is not doing the same thing

#14 young ronnie

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Posted 02 November 2008 - 11:59 PM

If at first you don't succeed....try doing it the way your wife told you to do it in the first place.

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#15 restlesswave

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Posted 03 November 2008 - 11:07 PM

nothings absolutely foolproof cause fools are so ingenious
bend it,and if you can`t bend it,break it.

#16 sam

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Posted 03 November 2008 - 11:38 PM

Don't try and have a piss of Flamborough Head in a easterly gale...speaking from experience here.

#17 quiet waters

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Posted 04 November 2008 - 01:41 PM

never start an arguement with "when i was your age!" you leave yourself open to all manner of derisive comments.
And their teeth will be blunted like lions and they will be cast away on whirlwinds and such!!!!

#18 young ronnie

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Posted 04 November 2008 - 03:22 PM

That Sam,is more commonly known as "getting your own back", but if you happen to be laughing at the time then it's called.......!!

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#19 Martin Johns

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Posted 06 November 2008 - 08:35 PM

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me.
Today, we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

A doctor on breakfast television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started............ So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets. Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel. Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pece  :D

#20 3762dazzer

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Posted 18 November 2008 - 09:19 PM

Way to go martin and just remember

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die :'(

#21 3762dazzer

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Posted 06 December 2008 - 10:13 AM

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.  ;D



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