207 replies to this topic

[johntar tt10]

Drew Gibson was the best ever at telling a joke on the VHF....
lets see if we can do better

[Barry McCrindle]

If Drew was to start typing on here, we would need about treble the bandwidth

[Young Knoxy]

WELL I WILL GET THE BALL ROLLLING. THE AMERICANS HAVE GEORGE BUSH, JOHNNY CASH, BOB HOPE AND STEVIE WONDER. WE HAVE GORDON BROWN, NO CASH, NO HOPE AND NO F**CKING WONDER. 

[johntar tt10]

Here goes............
Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman order three pints, just as they lift the pints three flies land in each pint............
Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust.......
Irishman fishes the fly out and drinks his pint.......
Scotsman picks fly out and shakes it "spit it out ya thieving wee bastard, spit it out"

[Barry McCrindle]

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay
with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked,
"What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, and that I’ll
stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss
me?" The engineer said, "Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool."

[Young Knoxy]

ENGLISHMAN ,IRISHMAN, AND A SCOTSMAN ARE IN A PLANE WHEN A WEE GENIE APPEARS AND SAYS TO THEM IF YOU JUMP OUT THIS PLANE WITH A PARACHUTE MAKE A WISH AND IT WILL COME TRUE, SO THE ENGLISH MAN JUMPS OUT AND ASKS FOR A FIELD FULL OF CHOCOLATE, THE IRISHMAN JUMPS OUT AND ASKS FOR A FIELD FULL OF PINTS,THEN THE SCOTSMAN JUMPS OUT AND ASKS FOR A FIELD FULL OF FAGS. SO THEN THE GENIE SAYED I WILL GET BACK TO YOU IN A FEW DAYS TO SEE HOW IT WAS. A FEW DAYS LATER THE GENIE WENT AND SAW THEM AND ASKED HOW IT WAS, THE ENGLISH MAN COULDNT ANSWER AS ALL HIS TEETH FELL OUT WITH THE CHOCOLATE, HE ASKS THE IRISH MAN, THE IRISHMAN COULDNT ANSWER AS HE WAS DRUNK, THE GENIE ASKS THE SCOTMAN, THE SCOTSMAN SAYS IT WAS S**TE. THE GENIE ASKED WHY AND THE SCOTSMAN SAYED THAT IT WAS S**TE AS HE FORGOT TO ASK FOR A LIGHTER

[Young Knoxy]

WHAT IS THE LAST THING TO GO THRU A FLEES MIND WHEN IT HITS A CAR.



ITS A**EHOLE LOL

[westword]

i'm reminded of the time on Parkinson when he had some old world war 2 ace gettin interviewed, midway thru the interview the old boy explained about one particular dogfight, he went on"there were 2 Fockers flying at me out of the sun and I shot them down, one Focker came in from behind",  just at this Parkinson interjected, "for the benefit of the audience, a Focker is a make of German fighter plane.". "No,no,no " said the old gent, "they were definitely all Messerschmits Michael." .......lol

[young ronnie]

A sexist one this...two blind men are walking past a fish shop and one of them lifted his hat and said "good morning ladies"

[Young Knoxy]

what is the definition of agony?


an ant sliding down a razer blade using its balls for brakes
lol

[Barry McCrindle]

Or reading your jokes time and time again...........

[Young Knoxy]

HOW WHATS WRONG WITH THEM.

[young ronnie]

That age old question..if you were standing in a barrel up to your neck in crap and vomit,and somebody threw a bucket of snotters at you....would you duck

[Young Knoxy]

NO WAY WHATS WORSE SH**E AND SICK OR SNOTTERS

[young ronnie]

I've no intentions of finding out kid,that will have to remain one of life's mysteries lol

[Young Knoxy]

YEA SAME HERE I WONT BE TRYING IT UNLESS I GET TAPED UP AND CANT MOVE AND I GET TOSSED IN TO A BARROL OF SH**E. WHICH IS VERY UNLIKELY BUT YOU NEVER KNOW

[young ronnie]

You've just discovered the initiation ceremony when you start working for J.J. !!!

[Young Knoxy]

OH OH SHOULD I NOT HAVE SAID THAT BUT I THINK IT WILL BE A YEAR OR SO BEFORE I GET A JOB WITH JAMMY

[young ronnie]

Plenty of time to practice then !!

[Young Knoxy]

OH NO IT GOT WORSE I MIGHT JUST GET A JOB WITH JAMMY EARLY SO AS IT DOSENT PROLONG THE MISERY

[restlesswave]

nasa launch new space probe with a women and two monkeys aboard after launch space control calls them-houston to first monkey-check synchronisation of post orbital gravitational control-re calibrate if necessary, houston to second monkey- re adjust flight path after leaving earths gravitational pull- check computer readouts and re calibrate if necessary, houston to woman-feed monkeys and don`t f****n touch anything..............

[Jammy]

ah ronnie you just spoiled my wee surprise for the green horn

[Young Knoxy]

NICE KNOXY LIKES THAT JOKE

[Barry McCrindle]

I thought you had already shown him your "wee" surprise........

[Young Knoxy]

WHAT WEE SURPRISE THE MUFFIN IT WAS NICE

[Young Knoxy]

HERE THE ADMIN TEAM ARE GOOD ON HERE. THEY GAVE US OUR OWN LITTLE JOKE SECTION

[quiet waters]

aye its called trawlerphotos.co.uk

[young ronnie]

Oh you are awful....but I like you !!

[Adoration II]

ive had a right shit o a day well nite really way missin ma kids and idiots way text mes worst thing ever invented threw fone in water yest tat bad but knoxy u have made ma day hope a never woke the old yins laughin cant even decide wat 2 say an tat dont happen 2 me lol just make sure u take a apple with u next time an pile cream incase u get near any shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite

[Adoration II]

2 englishmen opening a shop in argyle street are sitting in the empty shop waiting on stock being delivered    first englishman says to his mate 'bet u we have some nosy scottish bastard asking what we are selling'   sure enough within five minutes door opens and wee glaswegian says 'whit yous selling in here big yin?'  englishman says.'we are selling arseholes'     without missing a beat glaswegian comes back 'yur dain well only 2 left'.