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Joke Of The Week, Week 7.....


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#31 3762dazzer

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 10:08 PM

Paddy and Murphy were walking through the woods when they came to some tracks. Paddy said "Deese look like deer tracks." Murphy said: "No dey look more like moose tracks." They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them. :;)

#32 3762dazzer

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 10:23 PM

Well I'm sure this won't offend (except perhaps Jordan)

There was a loser who couldn't pull a bird. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"

He said, "Why yes I am!", so they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered,"Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!" ;)

#33 markh

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 11:19 PM

An American, an Englishman and an Australian were discussing why the end of a mans penis was thicker than the shaft.

The American says " Its thicker to enhance the pleasure for the man"

The Englishman says " Its that way so it enhances the pleasure for the woman"

The Aussie says" I thought in was shaped like that to stop a guys hand flying off the end and smacking himself in the face."

#34 young ronnie

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 01:08 PM

Man in the pub playing his accordion and taking requests while his pet monkey was on the bar dancing to the music.The monkey decided to relieve itself in a customer's pint,and the man shouted over to its owner "here mate,do you know youre monkey's just p issed in my beer?" "can't say I've ever heard that one before"says the accordionist,"but if you hum the first few bars I'll pick it up as I go along"

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#35 young ronnie

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 01:23 PM

Man comes into a pub with a monkey and while he is standing having his pint the monkey eats a bag of crisps,some peanuts,a couple of sandwiches,then hops up on the pool table and eats the cue ball. "For fecks sake,is he always like that?" asks the barman."Sure is pal,eat anything so he will" says the owner. A couple of weeks later the man is back in the pub with his monkey,and this time the monkey takes a peanut,sticks it up his ars*, takes it out then eats it.The barman is gobsmacked "did you see that?" he asks the man. "Aye" says the fella, "He's been like that ever since he ate that cue ball...he checks everything first now" 

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#36 young ronnie

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 02:39 PM

Barman to customer "what can I get you Pal ?"  "Not so much of the Pal,do you think I'm a tin of dog meat ?" says the punter. "No offense Chum" says the barman.

Some learn by reading,some ask questions,others observe...but there's always one who has to pee on an electric fence for himself.


#37 3762dazzer

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Posted 29 November 2008 - 05:58 PM

Builder on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fcuk is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"  :D

#38 Ceum

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Posted 30 November 2008 - 01:59 PM

Welshman, Englishman & Scotsman boasting about who the better lover was,  Welshman says I made Love to my Wife last night and she rose 6 inches off the Bed,   Englishman says I made love to my Wife last night and she rose 1foot  of  the  Bed,    thats  F**k  all  said  the  Scotsman  I  Sh*g**d  the  Wife  last  night  and  when  I  finished  I  wiped  my  C**k  on  the  curtains  and  she  went  through  the  F**k**g  Roof. :)

#39 3762dazzer

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Posted 30 November 2008 - 05:20 PM

Evening chaps,

Just got back from Mumbai, Fcuk me that hotel Murder Mystery Weekend was a bit over the top ::)

#40 quiet waters

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Posted 01 December 2008 - 02:25 PM

boom boom?
And their teeth will be blunted like lions and they will be cast away on whirlwinds and such!!!!