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Rare Seabird
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sylvestor
, Dec 24 2009 11:33 AM
- Owner: sylvestor (View all images and albums)
- Uploaded: Dec 24 2009 11:33 AM
- Views: 1,350
- Category: Scotland
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All we need now is a pheasant plucker 
Or even a pheasant pluckers son.
All together now:
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son
I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker comes.
Me husband is a keeper, he's a very busy man
I try to understand him and I help him all I can,
But sometimes in an evening I feel a trifle dim
All alone, I'm plucking pheasants, when I'd rather pluck with him.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mate
I'm only plucking pheasants 'cos the pheasant plucker's late !
I'm not good at plucking pheasants, at pheasant plucking I get stuck
Though some pheasants find it pleasant I'd rather pluck a duck.
Oh plucking geese is gorgeous, I can pluck a goose with ease
But pheasant plucking's torture because they haven't any grease.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, he has gone out on the tiles
He only plucked one pheasant and I'm sitting here with piles !
You have to pluck them fresh, if it’s fresh they’re not unpleasant,
I knew a man in Dunstable who could pluck a frozen pheasant.
They say the village constable had pheasant plucking sessions
With the vicar on a Sunday ‘tween the first and second lessons.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mum
I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker's come.
My good friend Godfrey is most adept, he's really got the knack
He likes to have a pheasant plucked before he hits the sack.
I like to give a helping hand, I gather up the feathers,
It's really all our pheasant plucking keeps us pair together.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's friend
I'm only plucking pheasants as a means unto an end !
My husband's in the forest always banging with his gun
If he could hear me half the time I'm sure that he would run,
For there's fluff in all my crannies, there's feathers up my nose
And I'm itching in the kitchen from my head down to my toes.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's wife
And when we pluck together it's a pheasant plucking life !
All together now:
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son
I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker comes.
Me husband is a keeper, he's a very busy man
I try to understand him and I help him all I can,
But sometimes in an evening I feel a trifle dim
All alone, I'm plucking pheasants, when I'd rather pluck with him.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mate
I'm only plucking pheasants 'cos the pheasant plucker's late !
I'm not good at plucking pheasants, at pheasant plucking I get stuck
Though some pheasants find it pleasant I'd rather pluck a duck.
Oh plucking geese is gorgeous, I can pluck a goose with ease
But pheasant plucking's torture because they haven't any grease.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, he has gone out on the tiles
He only plucked one pheasant and I'm sitting here with piles !
You have to pluck them fresh, if it’s fresh they’re not unpleasant,
I knew a man in Dunstable who could pluck a frozen pheasant.
They say the village constable had pheasant plucking sessions
With the vicar on a Sunday ‘tween the first and second lessons.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mum
I'm only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker's come.
My good friend Godfrey is most adept, he's really got the knack
He likes to have a pheasant plucked before he hits the sack.
I like to give a helping hand, I gather up the feathers,
It's really all our pheasant plucking keeps us pair together.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's friend
I'm only plucking pheasants as a means unto an end !
My husband's in the forest always banging with his gun
If he could hear me half the time I'm sure that he would run,
For there's fluff in all my crannies, there's feathers up my nose
And I'm itching in the kitchen from my head down to my toes.
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's wife
And when we pluck together it's a pheasant plucking life !
Don't suppose you've got the words of "the alabaster plaster caster's mate" by any chance? !!
Dont know that one Ronnie but here's a Plasterers joke for you:
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I just have my beer and my sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road, and I'm on my break. ", explains the duck.
The landlord serves him and he drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the hell would they want with a plasterer?"
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I just have my beer and my sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road, and I'm on my break. ", explains the duck.
The landlord serves him and he drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the hell would they want with a plasterer?"
Don't know the "alabaster plaster caster" Steve?..tut tut,yer education isnae complete yet! Last time I heard that one Jack Warner(evenin' all)did it on a Wogan show...cannae for the life of me remember all the words though.
Well Ronnie, I'm never too old to learn - here you go Marra:
A CASTER UP OF ALABASTER PLASTER
by
Jack Warner
Jack Warner Monologues
Now there's a plaster molders yard about a mile from here
Where my old Uncle Teddy has a job that may sound queer
It really is quite different to what other people do
But it really is a clever job, I'm not kidding you.
'Cos 'e's a caster up of alabaster plaster
He's an alabaster plaster caster, see
And 'e doesn't mix with water common powder into mortar
For an alabaster plasterer is 'e.
Now if 'e were merely mixing for cementing
'E would stir it in a mixer, as of old
But to prove he's caster master, casts 'is plaster alabaster
In an alabaster plaster caster's mold.
- here you go Marra:A CASTER UP OF ALABASTER PLASTER
by
Jack Warner
Jack Warner Monologues
Now there's a plaster molders yard about a mile from here
Where my old Uncle Teddy has a job that may sound queer
It really is quite different to what other people do
But it really is a clever job, I'm not kidding you.
'Cos 'e's a caster up of alabaster plaster
He's an alabaster plaster caster, see
And 'e doesn't mix with water common powder into mortar
For an alabaster plasterer is 'e.
Now if 'e were merely mixing for cementing
'E would stir it in a mixer, as of old
But to prove he's caster master, casts 'is plaster alabaster
In an alabaster plaster caster's mold.
By jings,ye're a star so ye are Steve !! All the best for Christmas...and as we used to get told "if you're a good boy and go to bed early to-night Santa might just leave you something"
The wonders of www.google.co.uk Ronnie
Aye and bad lads and lasses got a bag of coal
Regards
Steve E.
Aye and bad lads and lasses got a bag of coal
Regards
Steve E.
It was aye one of the Old Man's sea socks that I hung up the foot of the bed(did chance my arm one year wi' a pillowcase but Santa didnae fall for that one lol)..never got any coal in the stocking though Steve,it was usually oranges,chocolate and wee things that were in it...I must have been a good boy surely?
Regards
Steve E.